What to do when Big Papi’s big bat gets a little flat

August 21st, 2006 → 11:13 pm @ // 8 Comments

David Ortiz is shilling for hard-on helpers. Seriously — check it out. And it gets worse: he compares failing in the clutch to failing in the sack. (“There are some at-bats where one can’t afford to fail, the same is true during the intimate moments. Take Elevex. Take it from me, David Ortiz (big wink) ‘Big Papi.'”)

Taken to its logical conclusion, this means no one on the Sox has been laid in a week. And it puts Ortiz’s comments after Friday’s double-massacre — “I feel like somebody just kicked my ass. Actually somebody did…That was fucking unbelievable” — in a whole different light.

No wonder everyone’s been so pissy lately.

(Link via Deadspin.)


Post Categories: David Ortiz & Deadspin & Erectile Dysfunction

8 Comments → “What to do when Big Papi’s big bat gets a little flat”


  1. cursemyreverse

    11 years ago

    If this starts some kind of rumor of Papi needing substances to perform in either clutch, I will start laughing hysterically. And since Papi is the confident hitter in baseball probably, never even considering failing, then what is the analogy that fits? Is this like Jack Welch selling Tony Robbins Tapes on the side to young MBAs? I think Simmons may need to tackle this issue… and maybe Dr. Phil, or Ruth, or both on the same Baseball Tonight…

    Why does “Big Papi” suddenly seem really dirty… What of the kids? What do we tell THEM?

    Reply

  2. zoowah

    11 years ago

    I’d be more worried if his teamates were all looking happy all of a sudden.

    Reply

  3. Carson

    11 years ago

    Who will make the obligatory “getting good wood on it” and “seventh inning stretch” jokes?

    Reply

  4. crimsonohsix

    11 years ago

    Next thing you know, we’ll be finding out that Jack Bauer uses the stuff. Oh, the humanity!

    Reply

  5. Ogie Oglethorpe

    11 years ago

    These must be the performance enhancers that the disgruntled Twins fan was talking about.

    Reply

  6. realbz

    11 years ago

    Pitching coach Dave Wallace could use the help of a third leg with all those trips to the mound.

    Reply

  7. mtalinm

    11 years ago

    maybe that’s why he plays for the rED sox 🙂

    Reply

  8. vapodge

    11 years ago

    So I’m listening to the Yankee radio broadcast and Mussina leaves with a groin injury. Susan Waldeman says “Mussina’s gonna go home & stretch it out and see how it feels.” Thank God I was at work and not driving ’cause I tjought I was gonna die.

    Reply

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